ABOUT ME
Not everyone is ready to be parents when they have children. It took maybe, thirty or forty years for me to appreciate that but I digress… my grandparents raised me. They did an amazing job at it. My parents were 19 when they had me and they divorced shortly afterward. Despite numerous times that my mom tried to take on the single motherhood in her 20s, I typically made my way back home to grandma’s fried chicken without any real bumps in the road.
The one great thing about grandparents is that they come with experience and what they don’t have in experience, they make up for in wisdom and patience that age brings. It was a different time in the 1970s though than it is now.
NORTH CAROLINA SPECIFICS
North Carolina is one of the few states that has codified (that means it has actual laws on the books) especially for grandparents. In the State of North Carolina, there is a law that specifically says that a grandparent can apply for custody if they feel that the parents are unfit or has acted in a manner unfit with parent status. Now as you can imagine, both of those standards are pretty high burdens. The courts don’t easily separate children from their biological parents. The statutes are typically more often used in emergency situations to gain custody of a child who is imperiled rather than a grandparent seeking to simply intervene in an otherwise normal family home life.
North Carolina also has laws to allow for grandparent visitation. It actually has three scenarios of laws for grandparent visitation rights but here’s the kicker, there has to be an ongoing custody issue in the midst before any of them really factor in. If a grandchild has biological parents and they just opt not to allow a grandparent in their grandchild’s life, that’s the independent choice of those parents. The law doesn’t step in there.
However, if there is an ongoing custody dispute, if a grandchild has been adopted by a stepparent or other relative, or if there is a child custody case and there has been a substantial change or modification then the grandparent may ask for visitation from the courts.
EXAMPLES
So what does this look like in real life?
- If Amy and Mark are married and have a son named Noah. Amy dies. Mark will no longer let Amy’s parents see Noah. Can Amy’s parents sue for visitation? Probably not. Mark is entitled as a biological parent to choose who is children associate with.
- If Amy and Mark are married and have a son named Noah. Amy dies. Mark remarries and his new wife, Joan adopts Noah. After the adoption, they won’t let Noah visit Amy’s parents. Amy’s parents can seek visitation from the courts.
- If Amy and Mark are married and have a son named Noah. They are in the middle of a terrible divorce. Amy’s parents can ask for visitation from the courts.
- If Amy and Mark are divorced and have a son named Noah. They have shared custody but Amy has relocated out of state and Mark and Noah remain in North Carolina. There has been a substantial change. Amy’s parents can ask for visitation from the courts.
- If Amy and Mark divorce and both of them are unfit parents then grandparents can apply for child custody if they have a substantial relationship with the child and they can prove that the parents are legally unfit.
My Grandma and I (1996 law school graduation)